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Oct. 1st, 2024 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bathypelagiadoing the old self isolation boogaloo thing again which always works super well for me (lie)
idk man. google tell me how i can find out if i've exhausted my friends' store of goodwill towards me because i feel like the few people i have left are sick of my miserable ass. they're all either too (rightfully) wrapped up in their own problems to give a shit about me and mine (and rightly so, they should be their own priority, i begrudge them nothing), too busy in their own lives to check in on me (again, I am happy for them, begrudge them nothing) or just. seem to have forgotten about me entirely (yes I am still smarting a bit over the forgotten birthday and subsequent non-acknowledgement of a passing mention i made of anxiety kicking the shit out of me, which. is feeding the monster that says my friends are sick of me whining. and why shouldn't they be?) idk man. all my irl friends live 100 miles away. all my online friends are either gone, busy, or also dealing with shit (or a combination thereof). i'm just so tired of having nothing. i know the only way to deal with it is to start over. build something new. isolating myself isn't helping even if i feel like i am sparing people my toxicity and poison, and i can't even talk about any of this in a space where they can see it because it just feels like i'm guilt tripping them all. but i'm just so fucking sad about everything i've lost in a short space of time i don't know how to start over.
idk man. google tell me how i can find out if i've exhausted my friends' store of goodwill towards me because i feel like the few people i have left are sick of my miserable ass. they're all either too (rightfully) wrapped up in their own problems to give a shit about me and mine (and rightly so, they should be their own priority, i begrudge them nothing), too busy in their own lives to check in on me (again, I am happy for them, begrudge them nothing) or just. seem to have forgotten about me entirely (yes I am still smarting a bit over the forgotten birthday and subsequent non-acknowledgement of a passing mention i made of anxiety kicking the shit out of me, which. is feeding the monster that says my friends are sick of me whining. and why shouldn't they be?) idk man. all my irl friends live 100 miles away. all my online friends are either gone, busy, or also dealing with shit (or a combination thereof). i'm just so tired of having nothing. i know the only way to deal with it is to start over. build something new. isolating myself isn't helping even if i feel like i am sparing people my toxicity and poison, and i can't even talk about any of this in a space where they can see it because it just feels like i'm guilt tripping them all. but i'm just so fucking sad about everything i've lost in a short space of time i don't know how to start over.
